sleep

i got some sleep last night again although i woke up at 4 30 am i was able to get back to sleep at 5 and then stay asleep till 8, i didnt spend half the night thinking about Him maybe that is why. i did however get strange messages from his sisters friends, they kept asking me about a party for a singels site LOL , i guess they think that i am cheating on Him how can i cheat when we are not together

my weekend

well the weekend has been here and gone, i went away to a party over the weekend.
i had my doubts about attending aparty since i am now no longer collard, and having never played with any one besides Him and One other Female Dom, but still He was there watching. i am proud of my self for going, i didnt let Him showing up on Friday bother me, i didnt cancel plans and chicken out, i need to keep moving forward because He may never change, and even if he did how can i trust him again ? this is something we talked about on friday, he made a promise to call this week i said that was alright he could, part of me says he never will bother the other not quite sure i want to talk to him again already. because i need to keep building my self esteem again, and if he threatens that continueing they speaking with him will have to stop all together, i can not and will not go backwards right now.

i feel

i felt so angry yesterday, which is a change from the sadness, that we are over.i stoped and relized just how much i have been able to do on my own, working at things slowly, you called last night, why do you talk as if nothing has happend, you ripped out my hear broke ever promise you ever made to me, and like always your not there to pick up the pieces i am doing that, because thats what i do best, clean up the messes you get your self in to isnt it. i dont want to be angry its not who i am, i dont want to be sad about this because its for the best i do belive that, and with time my hurt will fade because i will work at the things that are wrong right now, i will not isolate my self from everyone, i need to talk about it i will if i just need to get out i will, i feel like i need to live again , i feel like i am on the way to finding out what makes me happy , not what might make some one else happy!

please

please dont message me at work , i find it odd because i just had the stregth to delete you off my list but yet then you msg me? i am at work trying to work i dont need to cry because You hope some day i will forgive You, i am still trying to forgive my self, one day at a time i work threw something small, maybe to You it would be nothing but to me its making things slowly a bit easier. i gave you everything i had, but that wasnt enough now that i am trying to give my self something You want forgiveness, i do wish you well but dont talk to me at work, dont talk to me at home, i am not ready to talk to you the wounds are to raw and i might never be able to talk to you. so no i am not ready to forgive you

Not ready to make Nice

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it

I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby,
With no regrets and I don't mind saying,
It's a sad sad story
That a mother will teach her daughter
that she ought to hate a perfect stranger.
And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Saying that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

i am

Each day brings more stregth to my life, i do things i never thought i could do, You said i would never make it , but i am not doing this for You, my gift was special it desrved more, but now i am learning how to protect my self, how to mean so much more

Progress

Definitions of progress
# advancement: gradual improvement or growth or development; "advancement of knowledge"; "great progress in the arts"
# develop in a positive way; "He progressed well in school"; "My plants are coming along"; "Plans are shaping up"
# the act of moving forward toward a goal
# advance: move forward, also in the metaphorical sense; "Time marches on"
# a movement forward; "he listened for the progress of the troops"