Yuck

sick sick sick , ate chineese on friday, went to bed woke up at 4 am powering up, been like this all weekend have nothing else to write i just want to go home an sleep rather then feel so bad

Lies?

Omsion is still a varied lie, if you cant be honest and up front with the person you are with then why be there? I am done with lies and people who think they need to hide things from me. i have made all the work to be Your friend, but i have relized one thing You are Your own worst issue and i cant keep paying for that or blameing my self for that.

You are not the only one out there

Lyrics to Beyonce Irreplaceable

To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet that's my stuff - Yes
If I bought it nigga please don't touch
And keep talking that mess, that's fine
But could you walk and talk at the same time
And It's my mine name that is on that Jag
So remove your bags let me call you a cab

Standing in the front yard telling me
How I'm such a fool - Talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

So go ahead and get gone
And call up on that chick and see if she is home
Oops, I bet ya thought that I didn't know
What did you think I was putting you out for?
Cause you was untrue
Rolling her around in the car that I bought you
Baby you dropped them keys hurry up before your taxi leaves
Standing in the front yard telling me
How I am such a fool - Talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby
[ these lyrics found on www.completealbumlyrics.com ]

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I will have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

So since I’m not your everything
How about I'll be nothing
Nothing at all to you
Baby I wont shead a tear for you
I won't lose a wink of sleep
Cause the truth of the matter is
Replacing you is so easy

To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
Everything you own in the box to the left

To the left
To the left

Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be be here in a minute - baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be be here in a minute - baby

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

Love

love and care for You but i am not in love with You any more, the pain is starting to ease, probaly why i havnt been posting so much , i am growing just like a work in progress, i am building the laywers of my life again. And i will be whole again.

I miss You Dad ( SBT April 21-1946 to Nov 20th 2001)

Daddy's Little Girl by Punkin


If I had my life to do over,
I'd have chosen you to be my dad once more.
Even if it meant losing you again,
It's worth all the tears in theworld.
You were my sunshine when skies were gray.
I loved you and honored you;
You took all my tears away.
I was happy to be with you,
Proud to be your little girl.
Sometimes we would argue,
But to me you meant the world.
Your love was always pure;
You treated me as your own.
Your time seemed all too short andI feel so alone.
What can I take from this?
My heart is completely crushed.
But nothing loved is ever lost,
And you are loved so much.

i love You Daddy

This week

this week i have been pretty sick , all the sleeples nights have taken a toll on me i guess and i ended up in bed for two days. Today i am feeling some what better. Physicaly , even if on the emotinal side i am still messed up, he has been calling and messageing me , and on tuesday i asked him what the point was did he want us to get back together, he said no he has no room for that in his life, SO WHY FUCKING KEEP TRYING TO CONTROLL ME , why here is the answer because he is still getting what he wants from me and all i have is hope that he will come back , but not any more, i will always love this man in some way , i will never forget him, but i need to move on with my life, with some one whos sees my submissivenes as a gift , some one who will grow with me in mutal trust respect, and push me to be better

back to night mare

back to night mares again i guess two nights with out them is all that i get,

progress of the day

i made it all the way to the end of a song with out relating it to my self and the mess the realtionship has ended in.!

paint

i want to paint over my wounds make the go away, but i know that i will still feel the pain, how do i hide from all the fears to move on with life, can i paint the skin a shade of grey so that i might melt away. or a pretty blue so now one sees the sorrow.