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I guess i didnt relize that the last post didnt finish quite right , it was just and observation that i feel i have growen, i once felt that my life ended when i finaly gave up on him , that i wouldnt learn how to live again , in some ways i think i am more alone now then i ever ones , because i am doing more things, because i am making a point of finding out what makes me happy

Have i made progress?

This morning i took some time to reflect. This past weekend i went to the movies with Andrew, a very sweet guy makes me smile , and blush alot. Am i making progress ? because i can go out and enjoy my self with out letting something ruin the time i have?
I went to a party afterwords and i spent a couple mintes in front of the fire just thinking, of the things i am not able to do that i never thought i would be able to do, I look back and read some of the first entrys where i begged for things to be alright where i put my self down for some one elses issues.

love this song !

Dark Horse Amanda Marshall

Indian summer Abiline You were new in town I was nineteen And sparks flew They called us crazy Behind our backs "Romantic Fools" We just let them laugh Because we knew It may be a long shot We may be lonely down the line But love knows no reason And I won't let them make up my mind [Chorus] My money's riding on this dark horse, baby My heart is sayin' it's the lucky one And it's true color's gonna shine through someday If we let this Let this dark horse run Stars are brighter In a desert sky No need to wonder Or justify Where this will lead I wear your locket Our picture's inside Inscription says, "The joy's in the ride" And I believe Something so sacred Is something worth this kind of fight Cause love knows no patience You can't please everyone all the time Chorus So rare So sweet Together baby We can be free

blah@ movie

So this weekend i didnt do much friday i had to work, Got up Satruday got the car went and got my hair cut ( i love it) relaxed for a bit then went to meet Andrew for the movies, it was nice to get together , but i didnt care for the movie , i was kinda like this is it for the first hour , the last 15 minutes were the good part, though thats nothing against Jim Carey i think he did a great job in this role, stepping out side his norm funny man routine. i guess over all i just wanst impressed with the movie , i booted it over to the party after that i had a wonder wonderful time, drove home at 330 in the morning but its all good.

Satruday i also got some new pics of my nephew i hate to tell my brother this but the baby has my cheeks! mom said it was like looking at me , 10 pictures and each one the baby looks more like me LOL.

TGIF

Well Friday has made it here!! I am super excited cause in the morning i am off to get my hair cut then off to freddy, going to catch a movie with Andrew and then go to a party as well. Need to make up for the fact i went to the dentist today , why is it when you leave a drs you feel worse then when you went in?

I dont have a cavity never had one wouldnt know what it feels like to have one or a filling, and for the most part i have always flossed on top of brushing. Today after being at the Dentist i feel like crap and the worts part " Your teeth look great as always and the gums look better then last time" so i am doing things right but it hurts more ? i mean i might enjoy pain *grins* but not having my teeth ripped at. We then had our always conversation about my family , My Dentist went to school with my Cousin, so she always ask how he is doing ect , He is a dentist as well.

So now i feel the need to do something nice for my self that shouldnt hurt so hence the hair cut! plus i need one , i dont know why i try and grow my hair out , every one who knows me knows i will never leave it long why because it wont do anything long, it goes all curly in the back and it is glued to my face in the front , so i keep it short , Issue it seems that last time i cut it to short and my thin hair made me look like i had a bald spot ! Dont want to do that again LOL

Contacts

So i recently decided i would try contacts after wearing glasses since 4th grade i am loving this!
So Mom is home , back to smokeing WHICH PISSES ME OFF.

When i was 18 i lost my dad, after a 4 year battle for his life. i was his soul caregiver at this time. neither of my brothers lived with us. I went throgh trial after trial and He would take out all his anger on me , but i knew that he loved me, after he died i was emotinaly a mess it took me 2 years to move on with my life. My father killed him self drink by drink.
No my mom wants to do it smoke by smoke. She didnt like the fact that i told her she sounded just like him i guess the truth hurts

The Heart Of The Family

So I spent all day yesterday and today with my mom at the heart unit in ST John. She had a 95 percent Block in her middle artery and 4 smaller build ups in smaller places. My mom just turned 47 at the begining of the month. Her mom died at the age of 53 from a heart attack i hope that this is a warning sign for my mom and she takes the advice of the doctors. This evening i am staying at mistys my Step dad took mom home, Ill be leaving early in the morning, maybe misty and i will get right out of it and relax. That it for me for tonight.

Let it Snow !

The snow keeps coming here, it snowed then it had some frezzing rain last night then this morning it was just raning (-7) and now it has turned to snow again.
It took me 35 minutes to make the 5 minute drive to work this morning but i got here safe and sound and with out incodent thank goodness.
Last night i spent some time with mom we are just waiting for room for her to be moved to St John for further testing. Although she dosnt want to admit it, it was her heart and i am hopeing that this will motivate her to change her life style. Thank You to all my friends and family for the support and prayers.
With her being in the Hospital untill they can take her to St John i will be postponing my trips to mistys for the weekend, unless she manages to get sent today or tommrow.

I didnt spend alot of time yesterday thinking, i dont even know if i posted about it , but i got a nice little E card from a sweet friend yesterday made my day!


Back to work for me now

Happy love day one an all

keep this shot and sweet i hope that every one has a wonderfulday, and just because your single dosnt mean there isnt a special Vday wish for you either, i got a very sweet one that made my day! .

On a side note my mom is in the hopsital which is why i didnt have anything yesterday

My Weekend

So it was a pretty quiet weekend. Friday night i met my mom at her second job, she is a bartender and i started out with a white russina one would have done the trick but the 5 in 1 hour i was ready to go home and go to bed, which i did by 10 pm i was in bed sleeping like a baby , no hang over the next day , Matty and i met for lunch did a little shopping and then later on that night we went to a movie. We went to Dreamgirls, i loved it as did he! I still hate Beyonce , but Jennifer Hudson was amazing plain an simple thats all that can be said. Sunday after work i curled up with a couple of movies, my mom actuly watched one with me its an 80's movie SheDevil, we use to watch it together when i was younger. So as you can see nothing intresting going on this weekend, I just sent my valentine lets see what he says

Over It

Katherine Mcphee
Over ItI'm over your lies
And I'm over your games.
I'm over you asking me
When you know I'm not okay.
You call me and I...
And I pick up the phone.
And though you've been telling me, I know you're not alone.

Oh and that's why

Your eyes... I'm over it.
You're smile... I'm over it.
Realized... I'm over it, I'm over it, I'm over...

Wanting you to be wanting me.
No, that ain't no way to be.
How I feel.
Read my lips.
Because I'm so over...
(I'm sorry)

Moving on
It is my time.
You never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first a little bit
But now I'm so over
I'm so over it...

I'm over your hands
And I'm over your mouth
Trying to drag me down
And fill me with self doubt

Ohhhhh, and that's why
Your world, I'm over it
So sure, I'm over it
I'm not your girl, I'm over it
I'm over it, I'm over

Wanting you to be wanting me.
No, that ain't no way to be.
How I feel.
Read my lips.
Because I'm so over.

Moving on
It is my time
You never were a friend of mine
Hurt at first a little bit
Now I'm so over
So over it.

So Over It
I'm So Over It

Oh--Oh-Oh--Oh

Don't call
Don't come by
Aint no use don't ask me why
You'll never change
There'll be no more cryin' in the rain

Oh--Oh-Oh-Oh
Oh-Oh

I'm Over It

Wanting you to be wanting me
No that aint no way to be
How I feel
Read my lips
Because I'm so over (I'm so)

Moving on and it's my time
You never were a friend of mine
Hurt at first
A little bit
And now I'm so over it

So Over It
I'm So Over it
I'm Over It

Leaps and Bounds....

Leaps and Bounds not really just a steady walk up hill.

As I lay in bed last night not being able to sleep, My thoughts of course were running around, but i just stopped to smile! Why you might ask ? I stopped to smile because I am doing this on my own. I have organized my life, i have made plans for things i want and when some one contacts me wants to maybe see if something is there, i haven't said no , but i haven't had a problem just letting them know when you aren't for me, I am not settling i am not trying to make some one else happy first. Being selfish ? No i don't think so anymore, i just not going to put my self second in everything , i ll compromise on somethings others i am not going to. My friends who ready this know how much of a big deal this is.
C4A has always put others first
always aiming to please and gain some ones approval. Is it sad that it has taken me this long ? I mean i have a classic history of Alcoholic father, Abusive brother, Boyfriends.
But as i lay there last night , i though about the fact that i have peace in my life 90 percent of the time( if some one would forget my number it would be better) but i am on the right path, A job i love friends that i care about ,

Happy Birthday MOM

Wonderful Mother

God made a wonderful mother, A mother who never grows old; He made her smile of the sunshine, And He moulded her heart of pure gold; In her eyes He placed bright shining stars, In her cheeks fair roses you see; God made a wonderful mother, And He gave that dear mother to me. ...Pat O'Reilly

Just Another Manic Monday ?

Well I found yesterday so long and so stressfull! Last night I just wanted to veg, but I had to go fix a friends system , Set up a router for him and i am glad i did! i dont spend enough time with matty, and what was best, my cousin wendy was there too!!

Wendy and I met in first grade. We didnt know we were related till parent teacher night when our moms saw each other there , they both explained it to us , and we have been friends every since. No matter where in my life i have been wendy has always been just a phone call away! Shes seen me at my worst and at my best!

When your family you don't have to like the person but it certainly is great when you love them!

So i spent and hour or so there catching up after I finishes setting up the Bel kin Router ( a good little choice for those of you who want to set up a wireless network for your home) . I do a lot of computer work on the side when I can just to help people out never a charge but where I don't have a car you must provide the transportation I tell every one. Some times I get mad at how much some places charge to fix computers but they never explain to anyone how to fix the small issues them self's so that the clients can learn to be a bit selt suficiant . I know here is a network tech saying this, But every time a computer freezes up you should turn it off , not just call some one and ask why you cant move the mouse. Well those who charge 60 dollars for a half hour wouldn't agree with me cause they would be out the money , but education is better then ignorance in this instant as well !

Football?

Football took over tv land last night. I had forgotten what it was that awful weekend again till I was looking at the tv and couldnt find any one my sunday evening show! Had I thought a head of time I would have saved the moveis I got for sunday, Instead I played video games. My point is i wish there was just one Channel that didnt play the flipping superbowl so we could have something to watch>
My weekend , wel I didnt make the trip to St John it snowed here !! which sucked so I again played video games. Yes I spent the weekend playing Guild Wars and watching moves ! I am a looser LOL

AUGUSTANA - BOSTON

"Boston"

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston... where no one knows my name...

Ode to the storm

If i find some prayer to the snow god do you think i can keep the snow at pay at least till tomorrow afternoon! As I mentioned earlier in the week I want to go for a small road trip to visit my best friend, only issue , if it snows today her mom wont go tomorrow! So I am keeping my fingers crossed that this nice -3 weather goes away and it becomes too cold to snow again!

Last night was TV Night. Thrusdays are the night where all 4 shows I love are on Start out with Ugly Betty the seasons nebiew! America F is just fabuolas what else can be said. Then we have Greys always good for a up and down whats gonna happe. Then there is ER which i have been watching for so long that I dont remember when I started following it. ER has to be my all time can not miss show. Lastly we have OC , which only has a few episodes left, I cant say that I am surpised they have cancled the show I knew that would happen after MB left. So last nights I didnt do a think other then make supper and watch tv. God I was lazy ! But we all can use that once an a while , time where we dont need to do this dont need to do that , where we can watch mindless tv and not think about work , cleaning , shopping or anything else that we might have done if we felt like it.

Christmas In Febuary

I know that it wouldnt make most peoples days but after 2 years of answering the phone an crooking my neck and having my shoulder hurt , and trying to stretch the phone cord across the office, Today I got a cordless attachment for my phone for work , and I LOVE it, when you spend as many hours a day on the phone as i do it really will help, But of course the first day i get it there hasnt been a call since! Just my luck. Of Course it is a plantronics, Great Sound! As well it can be over the ear or over the head. Which is nice , if i am just at my desk over the ear is fine but if i am running around over the head will make sure it dosn't fall off. Any one who is a network tech , or as i did before, works in a call center would agree that holding the phone up all day would drive any one crazy!! Now just to get a new chair !!!!

Say It Right

I just listen to Nelly Furtado's "Say It Right".
Though it is a short song vers wise its got a nice beat. I found my self hitting play again.
I have found my self listening to the album again again. Music has always been a big thing in my fathers family not so much in my moms. So i am not musicaly challanged!

In the day
In the night
Say it all
Say it right
You either got it
Or you don't
You either stand or you fall
When your will is broken

This is the begining that  i like The words just seem to roll i guess 

Working For The Weekend

Well its Thursday, and I can smell the weekend. Though my plans are not written in stone I plan to take a small "Road Trip". Misty and i have a sorted relationship always have, My mother would pretty much do anything for misty and her mother the same for me. In our life's we have had a total of two fights , both of which left us utterly alone. That being said we don't always agree but we have seen each other from highs to lows and back again. Well mostly me just getting her out of trouble. ( she will agree)

So Mom number two will be decided tomorrow if we will venture the roads, apparently there may be a storm on Friday and she wont want to drive Saturday. I will be disappointed as our time together is never frequent enough.

Misty has recently decided the best way for me to move on with my life is to move 2 hours away where she lives. Though moving may be an idea I dont think running away from my issues will solve anything, But in true best friend fashion she keeps with the idea. Would moving where no one really knows me help ? Leaving behind some support system for a single support person? On second hand His Family wouldnt be around either so i wouldnt have to face them or him. I think that moving in lets him know he still can controll me. But then again thats just my opion! wait mines the one that counts!